1. |
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Writing about writing is the worst way to start
No one gives a shit about self-referential art
I'd like to think I could craft a song that comes straight from the heart
But that's a daunting task with a heart that's torn apart
I wonder who's to blame for this sad state of affairs
Who brought me to this place of broken dreams and silent tears
I'd scream but who would listen to my deepest, darkest fears
And anyway I doubt that there's a soul who even cares
When I look in the mirror every morning
I wonder why that other guy is there
He says, "You know, I used to know you better"
And always I reply with just a nod and empty stare
When I look back at things I wrote ten years ago today
They read as if I'd written them only yesterday
I can't say that I've ever had much else I need to say
It's possible I'll never change and have always been this way
When I look in the mirror every morning
I see a man who's always half asleep
He says, "You know, I used to know you better"
I say, "The man you used know is a better man than me"
Can we change? Can a person ever change?
It's so strange that I age but don't mature
I filled my brain with lots of books about compassion
And yet I curse myself for feeling insecure
When I look in the mirror every morning
That other guy is staring back at me
I say, "I swear I used to know you better"
He says, "The guy you used to know is who you want to be.
And the better that you know him, the sooner you'll be free."
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2. |
Behind a Mask
03:00
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I live my life behind a mask
And it's not an easy task
To hide every part of me
That I don't want to be seen
It protects me, keeps me safe
It allows me to escape
From the danger that awaits
When I wake up every day
Who's behind it, you might wonder
If I told you, it would crumble
It's a patchwork and a jumble
A crude paper mache
A mask of make nice
A mask of pleasing for the praise
A mask of sacrifice
A mask of vulnerable displays
A mask that catches every insult and won't put up a fight
A mask that holds you close then leaves you in the middle of the night
Oh and sometimes for a moment I'll let out a little light
To see if any gets reflected back
And if I sense a signal that seems to say CQ
Then I might let you see me naked, but you'll never see me nude
I live my life behind a mask
And it's not an easy task
To hide every part of me
That I don't want to be seen
It protects me, keeps me safe
It allows me to escape
From the danger that awaits
When I wake up every day
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3. |
Personal Space
03:32
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I need my personal, personal, personal space
I need my personal, personal, personal space
x2
I need a dark room
where I can ruminate
on all the doom and gloom
that I can't escape
I need to close my eyes
and try to visualize
all of my personal, personal, personal space
all of my personal, personal, personal space
x2
I need a small cell
away from cell phones
where I can ring a bell
with lots of overtones
during the reverb
is when I calm my nerves
inside my personal, personal, personal space
inside my personal, personal, personal space
x2
sometimes the world is loud
my thoughts grow louder still
they form a swirling cloud
making demands I can't fulfill
if I can't take control
then I might lose control
of all my personal, personal, personal space
of all my personal, personal, personal space
x2
I want to be alone
but not be lonely
I let my feelings show
so you can know me
oh please don't misconstrue
when I request of you
I need my personal, personal, personal space
I need my personal, personal, personal space
etc.
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4. |
I Can't Turn It Off
01:54
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I am constantly trying to solve
So many problems that can't be resolved
Since they haven't actually occurred
And the contents are merely inferred
From a model that formed in my brain
Based on details that I've ascertained
During limited interactions
That involved many strong emotions
I imagine myself as the cause
The effect is to point out my flaws
Then my shame makes me raise a defense
Which is fragile and lacks coherence
I can't convey anything to repair
All of the harm that I've done unaware
I'm afraid of the change to be made
I focus on losses instead of the gains
I think that I'm smarter and better prepared
I don't want to admit I feel helpless and scared
If I'm not the one calling the shots
Will anyone praise my incredible thoughts
Will the future remember my name
Will my struggling all be in vain
My mind circles until I feel lost
I want it to stop but I can't turn it off
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5. |
Disembodied Voice
03:56
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There was a disembodied voice inside of my head
It said, "You oughta be dead, you really oughta be dead"
I said, "But what if I decide to stay alive instead
And take you out my head?" So I took it out of my head.
I reached between the folds of my grey matter
With a toothpick and a piece of gum
It gave the voice something to chew on
While I tried to figure out where it had come from
Now there's a disembodied voice living under my bed
And it still wants me dead, yeah it still wants me dead
I say, "Let's have a conversation about life instead.
What are the things you dread?
What are the fears you've bred?"
The disembodied voice took a deep breath
And prepared to rattle off a list
But my mind wandered off into the distant past
And thought about the girls that I'd never kissed...
No one loves you
No one cares
No one notices
No one dares
To reach out when you're in pain
To hold your hand in the rain
You'll be alone till the end
Cuz I'm the only friend
You'll ever have
I asked the voice for some proof
Expecting only flimsy excuses
It said, Here is the truth:
You're just a mediocre middle aged white dude
You're just a mediocre middle aged white dude
You're just a mediocre middle aged white dude
You're just a mediocre middle aged white dude
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6. |
Better Luck Next Year
02:29
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I lost my voice in the mail
And someone stole my sense of self-preservation
Now there's no wind in the sails
Of this ship without a clear destination
I want to sleep all the time
But my dreams are just a state of confusion
And when I open my eyes
My mind explodes with a profusion of thoughts
A litany of Oughts and Shoulds
Of What-Ifs, Maybes, and Wish-I-Coulds
Of I'm not being good enough
When a lungful of smoke is "rough" for me
While folks are beaten and gassed in the streets
When chlorine and prayers are what passes for science
While shares of monopolies double in size
And the wise nod their heads
While covering their mouths
In a silent shout
Last night I woke up with a start
And placed a hand on my racing heart
A smoky figure hovered near (and whispered)
Better luck next year
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7. |
State of the Union
03:33
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Well the cops are killin teens and no one knows what it means
So we tweet about our horror and confusion
And we thought we were progressin so it's been a bitter lesson
That regression is the state of the union
Yah when Lincoln freed the slaves turns out that nothing really changed
The Civil War shoulda been a cultural revolution
But the men they left in charge were more like criminals at large
Who just remodeled their oppressive institutions
Well we thought we rose above but it's all under the rug
And we shrug when we're asked how it got there
Well your privilege was won with the rope and the gun
So I suggest you reconsider what you think is "fair"
The state of the union's in a pretty sad state
The fate of all humans isn't looking so great
Propagandic politics keep people polarized
If we don't come together we'll never survive
I'm tryin to open my eyes tryin to not act surprised
I wanna see the ways my country is failin
All this politics of hope has turned into a shitty joke
We sell the hammers that are drivin all the nails in
We send our children overseas to murder kids they never see
And give police the tools of foreign occupation
We sweep the streets of human beings and claim it helps community
While gentrifying every corner of the nation
Well we might still rise above if we learn how to love
And find a glove that fits the fist that fights for justice
So let's put our fears aside and help the margins decide
How to transform this racist state before it crushes us
The state of the union's in a pretty sad state
The fate of all humans isn't looking so great
Propagandic politics keep people polarized
If we don't come together we'll never survive
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8. |
How It Comes Apart
03:00
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This is how it comes apart
These broken pieces of my aching heart
This isolation making me insane
So all I see in the world is pain
Another black man shot down by law
Where the Liberty Bell was cracked long ago
They cry for justice, take to the streets
To wake us up from the American Dream
We need change
We need to look at who we are
We need to name all the sins of our fathers
Of our mothers and brothers, of our friends and our lovers
And see that this is how it comes apart
We think we know what the world needs best
Clutch our pearls tightly to our chests
How would it feel if we just let go
And admitted to ourselves that we really don't know
We live on stolen land
Our cities are open sores
And yet it all is planned
To keep us always wanting more and more and more and more
We need change
We need to look at what we've done
We need to name all the sins of our fathers
Of our mother and brothers, of our friends and our lovers
And see how far apart we've all become
I am trying to find a way to keep it together
Everything feels shaky in this earthquake weather
Asked a tree what it thought about the mess we're in
It said, "I die in the Fall and in the Spring I come alive again."
We need change
We need to write a brand new song
We need to name all the strengths of our fathers
Of our mothers and brothers, of our friends and our lovers
And see a world where we can all belong
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9. |
The Smoke Is Rolling In
03:25
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Up on the roof
I look out at the world
With my head in the clouds
No mountain today
The sun's behind haze
And I can't see the Sound
I heard that the hills are on fire
And we might not live to see tomorrow
Cuz the smoke is rolling in
And when the smoke comes rolling in
Will you stand with me through thick and thin
To make the crack where light gets in
When the smoke comes rolling in
Instinct is telling me
Cover my face
And get lost in the crowd
The snap, crackle, pop
Drives me back to the roof
Where I still hear the sounds
It looks like the precinct's on fire
And they might not live to see tomorrow
Cuz the smoke is rolling in
And when the smoke comes rolling in
Will you stand with me through thick and thin
To make the crack where light gets in
When the smoke comes rolling in
Inside my house
I retreat from the world
With a head full of doubt
No smiling today
My mind's in a haze
I am feeling unsound
My body feels like it's on fire
And I might not live to see tomorrow
Cuz the smoke is rolling in
And when the smoke comes rolling in
I will stand with you through thick and thin
To make the crack where light gets in
When the smoke comes rolling in
And when the smoke comes rolling in
We will fight through thick and thin
Oh we will be the crack where light gets in
When the smoke comes rolling in
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Future Boy Seattle, Washington
Future Boy has been releasing music on the internet since August, 2003 when he entered his first Songfight.
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